My brain (or mind?) has the tendency to obsess. I think it always has.
This tendency has often served me well as it has allowed me to achieve many of my important, most desired, and often vital goals. These (obsessive) goals have been academic, professional, athletic, or connected to major personal changes/milestones/needs. A few times they’ve been people — e.g. the Californian boulderer or the guy at the climbing gym now.
What all of my obsessive goals have in common is challenge: they’re not only things (or persons) that I really desire; they’re also hard to achieve. And as long as I’m not given a clear, explicit “No”, I continue to hope (or obsess). The other commonality is that there always seems to be at least one: my brain (or mind?) seems to always need something on which to obsess. And I tend to obsess on people when other challenging goals are either absent or not motivating/captivating enough or too stressful.
It’s also interesting that the most recent persons on whom I’ve obsessed have been climbers: climbers seem to have a huge pull on me. I guess that makes sense, knowing me. Many climbers have the physical build to which I tend to have an aesthetic attraction. Many of them share characters traits that I like (& also share), a mix of problem-solving, risk-taking, and love for the outdoors. But I think there’s also something deeper: I think I feel drawn to climbers because of the profound camaraderie (& thus intimacy) that can form between them. That appeals to my desire for an adventure buddy, my desire of being someone’s “primary adventure buddy”; and in the cases of the Californian boulderer or the guy at the climbing gym now there’s the additional appeal, or hope, of getting a physical, touchy-feely intimacy that I cannot have (& don’t want) with my straight climbing buddies.
I see all this rationally, in my head, but what can I do to change this in my heart? How can I tell my brain to not obsess when it doesn’t serve me — like now?
The Little Prince and the Fox 