This summer, I’ve often felt sad and disappointed for being unable, because of injuries, to achieve the goals I had set myself: climbing and leading trad routes; bagging fourteeners; preparing to run my first full marathon in October (before I turn 43). In many moments, it’s felt like each goal I was setting myself was being bashed and it’s been hard to bear.
But this summer of reduced exterior or athletic movement has given space to an incredible amount of inner movement, inner growth within me, which has allowed me to achieve other goals that maybe are more long-lasting than one specific marathon or any given climbing season.
As for running, with my insistence, I have gotten two of the major associations that organize races in Colorado to officially include a nonbinary category with equal awards from now onwards, as a permanent change moving forward. So I will be able to race in the future, once my body allows me to do so again, and not just me: other nonbinary runners will be allowed to race and be recognized fairly, too.
As to climbing, I have created an inclusive space that found its form concretely in a climbing event embracing & fostering diverse masculinity last night that will likely be repeated. This event was much more successful than I had expected it to be. Of my many friends or acquaintances who were hoping to join, only three were able to show up. The other six participants were total strangers to me (at least, before the event). Of the total nine participants, six were nonbinary and/or transmasculine and three were cis-men (of which at least one openly queer). Participants swapped climbing partners throughout the evening in a very friendly, spontaneous, and supportive way. Everyone kept thanking me for organizing the event, for creating such a space. One of them said to me, full of awe and joy, “I have never been to an event with so many people like us — this is lovely!” Many of them have texted and/or emailed to thank me again.
This is so meaningful. It feels like I’ve done something really important, also and mainly because it goes beyond myself: I have created a space that was necessary and that serves many diverse people for different reasons.
One of the nonbinary participants was a person who uses “she/they” pronouns who was there to accompany/support their nonbinary/transmasc partner; she participated only marginally in the event last night but shared with me that she was trying to find connection with their masculine side again after having given birth to their baby and asked me if she could participate in the event next time. I found this heart-warming and replied to her that as long as they feel comfortable participating, they are totally welcome. I got a similar question from one of the three cis-men last night (& the only non-queer person at the event): at the end, he repeated to me how much he enjoyed the event and hopes it happens again; and then he said, worried to have invaded a space: “But there were hardly any cis-men; my interpretation of the event was that it was OK for me to participate — did I interpret it correctly or should I have not joined?” To which I answered that he (& other cis-men) were totally welcome, too.
These two incidents touched me for a couple of reasons. On the one hand, the AFAB person could, at least in some ways, have been myself four years ago; I wouldn’t be where I am now f it hadn’t been for wonderful, supportive, affirming people I met along the way, so if I can be one of those persons for someone else now, it’s a beautiful honor. On the other hand, the balance of deciding to whom we open certain inclusive spaces can be a delicate topic and made me think again about similar issues or questions one could have for spaces like the gay men’s chorus: when is it necessary or indicated to keep those spaces dedicated solely to people of that specific community (e.g. gay cis-men) and when is it, instead, appropriate and beneficial to open those spaces up to include, e.g., transmasc people like me? And then there’s one of my deep convictions: the importance of opening up inclusive spaces to help cis men learn, grow, understand by being in touch directly with persons from more marginalized groups. I agree with bell hook’s & others’ viewpoint that the solution is, at least partly, found in communion, because the ultimate goal is to defeat and eradicate patriarchy (not masculinity!) which is the true poison for us all, including for white, straight, cis men. So those men who are ready to turn away from toxic behaviors, to learn from and support marginalized groups as allies need to welcomed.
So hopefully the event from last night will be repeated and be my contribution — one little gesture, one little step — to reshape or foster masculinity away from patriarchy, by creating another space to be in communion.
The Little Prince and the Fox 