Aro ace gay boy

I’m aromantic and on the asexuality spectrum, yet I still identify as a “gay boy”, too. 

Does that make sense? 

Maybe this question itself is proof of the romantic brainwashing and/or compulsive sexuality in our socialization. I guess the affirming, non-gaslighting reply would be: “Yes, that totally make sense because it’s simply how you feel about your identity and you don’t have to find (a) reason(s) for it”. 

Yet me being me, I feel the need to find (a) reason(s) for this definition of myself, of my identity. 

Why do I feel like I’m a gay boy if I’m aro and ace (or gray-A)? Or what does it mean for me to be a “gay boy” if I’m also aro & ace? 

I think part of it is my presentation: overall I look & sound very masculine now — to the point that I hardly ever get misgendered anymore and it’s become totally surprising and shocking on the rare times I still am assumed to be a “woman”. But I probably have a “twink vibe” given my slenderness and relative lack of body/facial hair. And I often wear clothes and/or accessories with rainbows, trans-flag colors and/or nonbinary-flag colors: things that most non-queer men wouldn’t wear (except for maybe as allies at a Pride parade). So even if I could generally “pass” as a cis-guy, I have a “queer vibe” (which is intentional) and often the most easily assumed “queerness” with respect to a cis-guy is that he’s gay — hence my “gay boy” presentation. 

But it’s deeper than that for me. 

The truth is that, while I have and cherish friendships with people of all genders, I’m mostly a “guy who likes guys”. And by like I mean it without romantic or sexual attraction (on my part). I like to be around guys — and by “guys” I mean “nice guys” — I despise and try to eradicate toxic masculinity as much as any other sensible person would. I like to be friends with guys and I have at least a dozen nice guys who are (& many of them have been for years) important in my life and close to me. I like to have camaraderie, intimacy stemming from “good bro-time”, with my guy friends. I crave male adventure buddies. I also tend to like masculinity more than femininity in the aesthetic sense: I generally prefer to look at male bodies, find them more aesthetically pleasing to me. I enjoy the energy I feel when I’m around nice guys, I feel comfortable with the dynamics with them. And I’ve always felt that I wanted to be one of them, one of the “nice guys” — and hopefully now I am one of them. And I feel mirrored by them when I’m with them.  

These are the senses in which I feel I’m a “gay boy” while also being aro & ace. 

So yes, the mug I got myself at Salt Lake City Pride still feels appropriate to me — almost even more appropriate with the first line now feeling, to me, like a shout out of my aromantic asexual identity in that uppercase “A”. Now I can read that “Fuckin’ A — I’m gay” as a bold declaration of my aro, ace gay-boy identity!