From the last chapter, “Where are we going? Where have we been?”, of Angela Chen’s book “Ace”:
“
Adrienne Rich wrote that compulsory heterosexuality rendered lesbian possibility invisible. It made lesbian possibility “an engulfed continent that rises frequently to view from time to time only to become submerged again”. It will take courage for straight feminists to question the natural state of heterosexuality, but Rich promises that the rewards will be great: “A freeing-up of thinking, the exploring of new paths, the shattering of another great silence, new clarity in personal relationships”.
These are also the rewards of working toward ace liberation, because compulsory anything is the opposite of freedom. Ace liberation is a complicated term. Asexuality is not inherently politically progressive. Not everyone who identifies as asexual identifies as politically progressive, and that does not make their asexuality any less legitimate. But the goals of the ace movement are progressive, and the potential of the ace movement is greater than aces being more visible in the culture and more important than aces proving that, except for this one thing, we’re just like everyone else. As CJ Chasin, the activist, has said, aces push the envelope. Once it is okay for aces to never have sex, it becomes more acceptable for everyone else who isn’t ace too. Ace liberation will help everyone.
It comes in rejecting sexual and romantic normalcy in favor of carefully considered sexual and romantic ethics. The meaning of sex is always changing and the history of sexuality is complex. Compulsory sexuality and asexuality have changed across time and space; they can, and will, change again. The goal, at least to me, is that one day neither the DSM criteria nor the asexuality-as-identity will be necessary. It will be easy to say yes or no or maybe — to sexuality, to romantic relationships — without coercion, without further justification, without needing a community to validate that answer. Sexual variety will be a given and social scripts will be weakened; sex will be decommodified.
The goal of ace liberation is simply the goal of true sexual and romantic freedom for everyone. A society that is welcoming to aces can never be compatible with rape culture; with misogyny, racism, ableism, homophobia, and transphobia; with current hierarchies of romance and friendship; and with contractual notions of consent. It is a society that respects choice and highlights the pleasure that can be found everywhere in our lives. I believe that all this is possible.
“
(I wish I had Angela Chen’s optimism right now…)
Along the lines of CJ Chasin, I would also like to add: “Once it is okay for aros to never have romance while still having deep, caring, committed relationships, it becomes more acceptable for everyone else who isn’t aro too.”
The Little Prince and the Fox 