Today’s ten months since getting my gender-affirming top-surgery… YAY!!!
Four months ago, at the half-year mark from my gender-affirming top-surgery, I celebrated it with my European queer ex-lover. It was our last long weekend together before their return home, to Europe. We went out for dinner to one of the places that had become one of our “usuals” for our Friday nights together, a sort of hippie, queer place that makes only vegan food. At the end of the dinner, my ex-lover surprised me with a gift consisting of one of my favorite, rare, dark chocolate bars and a little candle in the shape of the number “6” lighted as if on a birthday cake. And then we went to get ice-cream before finally heading back home (to their place).
One month later, at the seven-month mark, I was in the deepest of grief and sorrow from their departure (& my dad’s death).
And now, ten months after my gender-affirming top-surgery, it still feels weird sometimes, this new chest of mine… It’s almost a “Dr. Jekyll – Mr. Hyde” type of sensation: on the one hand, feeling that this was the chest that always belonged to me, the torso that I’ve always had; while on the other, still seeming incredible, almost unreal, that I actually have a boy’s chest now, and also having some “ghost limb” sensations sometimes.
The Little Prince and the Fox 