In our session last week, my therapist suggested I write a love letter to myself, i.e. what I would like or need to hear from a lover / loved one, what it means to me to be loved (especially in the context of romantic relationships, but not only).
Here’s what came out of me yesterday, flow of consciousness:
“
Dear A.,
I love you.
That means I will respect your boundaries, always, not only your physical/sexual boundaries, but also your emotional ones.
I will respect & abide by your requests involving your needs & boundaries, even if/when I don’t fully understand them. If/when I don’t fully understand them and/or they hurt my feelings or go against my own needs/boundaries/instincts, I will let you know in a clear but gentle and loving way to try and find solutions and/or compromises together that work for both of us from a place of maturity and authenticity, avoiding manipulative behaviors/communication. Also, if/when I do/say something that I think might push/disrespect your boundaries and/or hurt you, I will acknowledge it and try to justify my behavior a priori.
I love you, A.
Thant means I’ll be there for you as long, or as much, as I can, and I will let you know, possibly a priori and in a non-manipulative way, when I cannot be there for you.
I’ll be a safe place for you to come home to. I’ll let you be your wild self, let you go on your adventures, let you have time & space for yourself, and I’ll be here — your safe haven — when you come home.
I love you, A.
That means I’ll be by your side when you need someone to lean on. I’ll be there to plan a life with you to the extent that is good and healthy and authentic to both of us. I’ll be there and go with you to your parents funeral, if that’s what you need. I’ll be there with you when you go back to Europe, if that’s what you want/need. I will hold your hand on that long flight and walking down the street. I will share my bed and my meals with you.
I love you, A.
That means I’ll always tell you exactly and clearly how I feel about you — what exactly “loving you” means to me, “how” or in what way I love you.
I will tell you clearly, openly, honestly about other important people in my life and how/what I feel for them. I will introduce you to the other important people in my life, if you want to meet them (& if they feel up to it). I’ll be available and happy to meet the other important people in your life, too, if you want to share that with me.
I will not lie to you, including “lies by omission”. I will openly share and discuss my views on relationships, friendships, polyamory, etc. with you in an adult, honest, authentic way, keeping in mind that we might have different feelings & views and also that our feelings/views might change over time and will need constant, mature, open, and honest communication.
I love you, A.
That means I will put effort and care into building a relationship with you, building and maintaining trust, and rebuilding it if/when it will inevitably be broken because we’re both human. I will be open and brave and kind in facing conflict together; I will brace myself for your anger and share my own emotions, too. I know that “trust” to you mainly means not being lied to, not having things (other relationships, feelings, emotions, thoughts) hidden to you or popped on you suddenly and after-the-fact. So I will put effort & care into building and maintaining this kind of trust for you. And I will make very clear to you what type of trust I need to build & feel on my end. I’ll be as clear as I can to explain my needs and fears and wishes to you in a non-manipulative way.
I love you, A.
That means that I will keep my word to you. And I will let you go if/when you need to go.
“
The Little Prince and the Fox 