This is my choice

This is my choice. This place is my choice. Living here is my choice. Despite it being partly the cause of some of my current pain because it entails geographical distance and/or separation from several loved ones. 

But it also keeps me close to many other loved ones.

This particular spot, this particular trail & trailhead, is one of my absolute favorite ones and probably the most meaningful place for me recently since it’s also connected to my ketamine journeys. 

This place fills me with peace and joy. I’ve gone there innumerable times to hike or to trail run, alone or with dear friends, in all seasons. 

And I went there again today on my motorcycle ride. Parked my bike and went for a short walk, just enough to see the gorgeous vista and be immersed in the beautiful nature. And I felt all the love. Almost with the same intensity as during & shortly after my ketamine journeys. I felt deeply alive, profoundly loved and full of love towards everything around me. I felt soaked in nature and in love — part of it All, whole, undivided. 

I opened my arms, embraced it, let it fill me. And then shouted it out — “I love you”!

It is so beautiful. Green and lush, covered in wildflowers, everything blooming. The blue sky, the white and gray clouds, the red rocks, the green grass and trees, the rainbow flowers. It’s alive and buzzing and yet quiet and peaceful. So full of life and love. 

And it’s my choice, my choice time and again: my choice to live here, my choice to come back to this place both physically and emotionally/mentally. 

I chose this. And I choose it again now, today. 

Here & now.