[Flow of consciousness processing & “integration” after my second psychedelic experience (Ketamine-Assisted Psychedelic Therapy) from this morning]
“I’m a mountain” — as I grew up out of the earth with it all.
“I’m a river” — as I let go and flowed with it all.
“I’m in the earth” — I felt that I was actually part of the Earth and part of the soil and among the roots.
I was masculine and feminine and all of it together — both, and beyond.
“It’s so beautiful! It’s so so beautiful!” I felt, and exclaimed, over and over.
“I loved him so much — I loved you so so much” — tears streaming down from my eyes freely, like rivers, and me smiling.
“I am so loved, so so loved… There’s so much love! There’s so much love!”
And then, in the depth and overwhelm of it all, all I could say was, “I know”.
“I know, I know, I know, I know.” And I truly did know. Not a rational knowledge in my head: it was the deepest, profoundest, fullest, most healing, most powerful, most wonderful and yet clearest and almost obvious knowledge I have ever had in my life.
Both when I felt & said “I loved him/you so much” and when I felt/said “I am so loved”, I was both the object and the subject of the love. There was no separation, the love was all-encompassing, it had no specific direction or beginning or end: it was EVERYWHERE and it just was.
And again, I saw the bright yellow light that I had seen yesterday.
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Yesterday I was flying and then I was a flag.
Today I was a mountain, a river, in the Earth with the roots. And I was climbing effortlessly. And I was upside down.
Today I called out “Daddy”, very softly, on my journey and almost named the boulderer, too. I think today finally brought the ultimate healing to that one & same wound, because I felt the all-encompassing love, and I knew.
On both days I laughed out loud, full of joy. Today I also let tears roll down my face, cleansing.
Healed.
There’s so much love.
I know.
The Little Prince and the Fox 