How people (mis)gender me and react to my appearances & my being openly/explicitly queer still affects me a lot — often too much.
The cashier at the cafe where I went to get lunch today misgenered me with a colleague, referring to me as “she”, and it basically ruined my day. In my head I’m like, “How can you call me ‘she’ with these masculine clothes, this boyish haircut, this flat chest, and quite a deep voice?” What the heck do people pick up on — or not pick up on? How can they be so blind, so obtuse? Or even just so careless in the use of language?!? One could just say, “this person” or “this customer” at a cafe, thus avoiding to make any assumptions at all…
On the other hand, when people, especially non-queer persons, show recognition & acceptance of my gender-non-conformity or queerness, it feels excessively good. Like the time when a sort of collaborator, who appears to be a straight cis-man (although, I admit, I am assuming), complimented me on my rainbow sunglasses once that we ran into each other at a cafe over lunch; and we ran into each other at the same cafe today, and he always acts super friendly with me and we’ve talked about going climbing together — that’s almost enough for me to get a (small, temporary) crush on him.
Why do these behaviors and words from other people affect me so much, so deeply, sending me off-balance so easily (even if only temporarily)?
The Little Prince and the Fox 