Hey man, what’s up?

One last moment of hesitation and then Arys did it. He walked into the men’s changing room at the climbing gym. 

It was a new space for him. He didn’t know where to expect the stalls and wash basins, didn’t know where the lockers and towels would be. And he didn’t want to look around — shy, scared, worried there might be other people in the changing room, people who “really belonged” and who might tell him he didn’t. 

Arys saw the stalls and went straight into one to pee. That felt safe, and a little more familiar at this point, since Arys has been using men’s restrooms more frequently in public spaces for a while now. 

Then it was time to change, to get out of the sweaty clothes from the strength & bouldering workout, to wash up a little and change into nice clothes for the department celebration to which Arys was going next. 

Was is cheating to change pants in the stall, hidden from everyone? 

In his loose pants and naked torso, with the pink scars still visible, Arys stepped out of the stall, went to find a towel and then headed for the wash basin to rinse off. Wash hands, rinse face, freshen up under the armpits. One step at a time, calmly — “You belong here”, Arys kept repeating to themself. 

Arys took his time to wash up and change as calmly as possible, hearing two other climbers in the restroom space, while Arys was in the locker space behind the wall, greet each other with the familiar “Hey man, what’s up?”, so typical between guys used to sharing the same spaces. 

Arys didn’t notice the few people coming and going while he was using the wash basin and then dressing. Someone probably saw the pink scars on Arys’s strong & lean torso. Someone probably only saw the back or the side — an athletic boy’s torso. But despite the lingering fear or anxiety, Arys did not hide (except for changing pants in the “safety” of the stall). Arys’s whole body was demanding to be there, to change in that space. 

And walking back out of the men’s changing room, his beautiful, strong, and delicate trans body still showing, almost bursting, under his street clothes, there was a boy who had grown a little more that day.