A deeper sense of belonging

I guess I’m an optimist who cannot avoid seeing — or trying to find — the silver lining in everything… 

The silver lining of the abusive situation with my former housemate/landlady escalating and exploding three weeks ago is that it led to a much deeper connection with people within my choir/queer community in a way that is very important and healing, and even somewhat eye-opening, to me. It has brought me to really feel as part of a family and to realize how much I need that. 

I’ve always known that I wouldn’t want a biological family, i.e. biological children of my own. But I enjoy and actually thrive in healthy, nurturing family-like settings. I love being actively part of them, giving and taking, in the ways and amounts that each of us can. Like with my climbing buddies, spread over several different counties here in Colorado and yet still meeting up regularly, taking turns to visit each other and to drive, sharing food and gear. The ease and spontaneity with which it happens, flows, is lovely, and has been very nurturing for me.

And now I’m getting this also at a different social level, in a different kind of family: in my living situation. This week/weekend I’m finally able to give back a little to the two families who have helped me the most in these difficult three weeks. Yesterday, I gave a ride to the elder child of the family of friends who hosted me in the first week of fleeing my old place (& who also gave me lovely support while I was recovering from my gender-affirming surgery). The older child & I both sing in the same community trans choir — that’s how I met them all — and yesterday evening I was able to give them a ride to the Night of Noise event where our choir was singing, helping out in a situation where the parents couldn’t logistically be there. Being able to be a sort of older sibling or uncle/friend felt really good: I felt that I was giving back a tiny little bit of all the help they gave me over the past three months and I also felt like I belonged, that I was part of something, part of a lovely little tribe. 

Or like the little tribe where I’m living now, with whom we so easily share food and chores, and to whom I can give back tomorrow, when I’ll be picking up the friend/mother from a medicine training. 

Or the tribe constituted by the community trans choir in which I sing, in which we look out for each other, share rides — like the totally spontaneous, last-minute carpooling to rehearsal with another friend from choir on Wednesday evening — and generally act like a nurturing family to one another. 

I love being part of all these groups, these tribes — the climbers, the community trans choir, these families. And being able to give and take in all of these communities is extremely healing for me: it warms my heart, it relaxes me, it gives me an additional sense of purpose, and it deepens my sense of belonging.

Belonging here and now.