Recently, I’ve been devouring the book “Polysecure” by Jessica Fern and I would strongly recommend it to everyone, even beyond polyamory or romantic relationships.
I think many of the concepts and tools presented can be helpful for any relationship based on mutual attachment, and for myself I’m finding many parallels with my close, platonic or non-romantic friendships. It’s also brought me a significant sense of relief with respect to my capacities to be in healthy attachment-based relationships. While I often “messed things up” with romantic partners, I’m realizing that with close friends I have often been able to build healthy, mutual attachment relationships that are “safe havens” and/or “secure bases” for both or all parties involved. So I guess that when my therapist said to me, “I think you are ready for a romantic relationship if the right situation arises”, they really were right.
Adding the romantic level seems to be the tricky part for me in relationships, maybe partly because of the difficulties in managing the closer intimacy and/or increased time-commitment. But realizing that is where I “get stuck” or “mess up” with my (potential) romantic partners helps to know where to start to solve the issues. And realizing that I am, and have been, able to build to build healthy, mutual attachment relationships with many friends is a wonderful relief and gives me the hope of not being too “broken” after all…
The Little Prince and the Fox 