Healing

“[…] research shows that people who have safe haven relationships in their life, whether through romantic partnership or through their family, are more resilient in the face of life stressors and trauma. Attachment research has looked at many different populations including orphans, people who have experienced natural disasters, assault victims, veterans who were in combat, people who were in New York City during 9/11, people in concentration camps during WWII, as well as people who have had heart attacks or are recovering from surgery. The research has found that when people in all of these difficult situations have their safe haven attachment figures around them, either during or quickly after the event, they recover faster, experience less physical and emotional pain, and are less likely to have escalating symptoms of PTSD.”

[from “Polysecure” by Jessica Fern] 

At the moment, my “safe haven attachment figures” are neither romantic partners nor my “biological” family but rather my “chosen” family: friends and people from the communities to which I belong. But they all have, indeed, made a huge difference for the better — and still are making a huge difference for the better — in my gender-affirming top-surgery. They have been there both during and after the event, supporting me, holding me, encouraging me, reminding me of my goals and dreams, sharing and/or soothing my fears, and offering invaluable practical help. 

Hopefully my doctor’s appointment today will confirm that I’m healing well — but my feeling is that I’m healing well and quite quickly. And I know that this healing and sense of safety is to a great extent due to all the love and support I have been receiving from my chosen family, from all these wonderful people. 

I’m also realizing that, although I’m still convalescent and quite far from how I hope to look & feel in the long-term, this gender-affirming surgery has already brought me a very deep sense of improved alignment with my self: despite still feeling tired and weak or vulnerable and sometimes bored or frustrated because of my physical limitations, I am feeling profoundly happy with/in myself. This feeling together with the love & support I’m receiving from my chosen family have brought a new sense of peace in how I see & feel about some ruptures with people with whom I had some complicated situations on the more romantic level. I’m seeing those situations more clearly; I’m willing to repair them, if possible or necessary, or ready to move on with no more pain. 

So yeah, I really do believe that healing is more than a “one-person job”…