What a great response!

Yesterday evening I went climbing outdoors with a couple of guys with whom I climb regularly once a week here (on weekdays): two of them were my regular climbing partners, and also friends at this point; the third was someone new to me but a buddy (& colleague) of theirs. 

When I introduced myself to this person who was new to me, I said the usual, “Hi, I am …, and I use ‘they’ pronouns”. And the guy’s reply was, “That’s great! Thanks for letting me know. I’m …, and I use ‘he’ pronouns”.   

I’ve gotten into the habit of mentioning my non-binary pronouns and even of talking openly about my transgender identity with climbing partners here, at this point: on the one hand, because it means a lot to me that I not get misgendered and that I be seen as who I really am, if/when possible; on the other hand, because fortunately most of the people I’ve been climbing with here are open-minded and kind, so I instinctively feel comfortable around them and safe to tell them immediately about my transgender identity. 

Overall, I’ve received complete acceptance and respect and understanding (or genuine interest) towards my transgender identity, which has reinforced my feeling safe and comfortable around people from this community. However, I had never received such a great response as yesterday’s. It was just so appropriate, so inclusive… It wasn’t just along the lines of “whoever you are is totally fine” — which is already lovely and what I have usually received from other climbing partners. This was also along the lines of “I accept and understand how you identify — thanks for the info — and this is how I identify”, reciprocating the information I had given him. 

Those few words clarifying his own gender identity meant a lot to me, on different levels. On the one hand, it gave me a sense of inclusion, reciprocation, even camaraderie, or normalizing things in a good sense: I’m not “weird” because of being transgender and I’m not the only one who should need to clarify what my gender identity is by specifying my pronouns; it’s almost as if with those few words he had divested himself of his cis-gender privilege. On the other hand, it brought me to realize how much I also assume and/or put myself into a “different bucket” by specifying my own non-binary pronouns without always asking other people what their pronouns are. Sometimes I ask, but I often assume, leaving it up to them or to chance to be clarified: by doing so I am making my own assumptions while also putting myself on a different level from them, almost discriminating against my own self (or them). 

This was all quite enlightening for me — a great lesson… And it felt so good!