I’m enjoying the coziness of home during a summer storm. The rain and chilly air are nice. And it’s even nicer to be able to enjoy them from the safety and warmth of a house on a relaxed weekend afternoon.
Although I am giving myself a hard time to relax. In general lately. I’m still overwhelmed by all the changes and events of the past year, especially the last eight months, so I’ve hardly been able to get any work done at my new job. Being in academia in summertime, it’s not a big deal, really. But I cannot give myself a break so easily, I keep beating myself up for not getting enough work done, for not being able to be “productive” — whatever that means…
I’m trying to keep in mind Ovid’s wise words
“Take rest; a field that has rested gives a bountiful crop”.
I should know from experience that’s true… after all, I just got a college textbook published thanks to taking time off last semester and just working on my book, at my own rhythm… But it’s hard to unlearn years of conditioning against rest…
Another quote that has been coming to my mind often lately is one by Oscar Wilde:
“For one moment our lives met, our souls touched”.
In the gender-support group on Monday one of the other members very gently and wisely pointed out to me that I have changed a lot, and am much healthier and happier and more myself, since certain relationships — they were saying it to help ease my sense of loss and pain. What they said is very true (about me). But I’ve also realized in the the past few days that the other person, at least in one of those meaningful relationships, has changed a lot, too. We both have. “For one moment our lives met, our souls touched”: we were given a moment; we made what we made of it; maybe we did our best given the circumstances. That moment is now over. We’ve both grown, evolved, come into ourselves more, which has pulled us apart as we’ve been walking down paths that diverge more and more. Maybe it’s sad. Maybe it’s liberating or relieving. Maybe it’s sweet, or bittersweet. No matter what, though, it’s real. It’s a fact. And it’s okay — or if it isn’t completely okay now, it will be okay someday.
After all, if I want to, I can always choose to cherish that “one moment in which our lives met, our souls touched”. That’s up to me. That’s my choice, in my power.
The Little Prince and the Fox 