In four or five months I might actually have the upper-body that I have always wanted — more than that, the upper-body that I have always seen for myself and identified with.
This morning, I met the surgeon who will most likely do the masculinizing mastectomy for me in the new year.
I’m still trying to adjust to this… to the idea that I might actually NOT have to spend the rest of my life feeling dysphoric about my upper-body, that I might NOT actually have to put up with a torso I don’t identify with… It’s good news, it’s wonderful news, but it still takes some readjusting… Our brains are weird things, they can get used to so much, even so many toxic things, and then dislodging them from that can be hard, even when it’s good…
I’m slowly, slowly, slowly becoming myself more wholly and this is wonderful but also very scary in some ways…
The Little Prince and the Fox 