Why am I so self-centered?

“Take criticism seriously, but not personally. If there is truth or merit in the criticism, try to learn from it. Otherwise, let it roll right off you.” [Unknown]

My sister has more than once said to me that I am “immature, selfish, and self-centered”. It has hurt me and upset me, but her criticism comes from a place of anger, from a refusal of dialogue; a judgement without really knowing me (anymore) and without sharing anything of her own life with me. So after the initial pain, I can let it roll off me.

When it’s some of my dearest and closest friends, though, saying that I’m selfish or self-centered, then I need to sit and think, and learn from it. It’s hard for me not to take such words personally when they come from a dear friend, but I am thankful for the food for thought that such truthful criticism brings.

Why am I so selfish sometimes, or self-centered?

Am I an awful, egotistic jerk?

Is it the symptom of some personality disorder, like narcissism, or a mental health issue, like depression?

Is it the consequence of not having had enough space and/or attention and/or approval for my true self when I was younger, when I needed it in my development and growth in critical, vulnerable years?

Or is it, instead, the consequence of sometimes giving too much to others and then needing to revert to myself and overdoing it in the opposite direction?

Or the sign that I’m going through a lot and just focus on myself because of the effort to get through/over something together with my natural tendency of being a reflective (sometimes overreflective) person?

Should I worry about my selfishness/self-centeredness?

Regardless of the cause, I’m sorry. To all those friends or people whom I might (have) inadvertently hurt by my moments of selfishness or self-centeredness: I am sincerely sorry. I didn’t mean to be that way and will do my best to learn from the truthful, kind, constructive criticism.

Thanks.