Swinging

I’m finding it difficult to find an overall, stable balance. 

Despite feeling much better, lighter than I had in a long time in California, I’m still swinging between different, and often intense, emotions. 

There are a lot of moments of loneliness. Despite living with my host family. Despite my need and desire for solitude. It is undeniable that my mood invariably improves after interacting and/or chatting with other people, and even more so if in person. 

Getting my textbook done by the designated deadline is a great motivation, but it often isn’t enough: this work has been more difficult this week, partly because of the chapter’s contents/structure, partly because of my own oscillating emotions influenced by external factors as well (interactions with certain persons, lack of exercise due to injury). 

And so I swing — back and forth, up and down. 

But what does remain crystal clear is that I need in person interaction with other human beings; I need contact and connection (albeit it online/virtual/digital) with my close friends who are geographically distant; and I need to have goals that give meaning and purpose to my existence, to my daily life.