Yesterday I had a wonderful day — perfect for “my anniversary of liberation”: the right amount of packing and organizing for my move, with feelings of satisfaction and eagerness to go; a wonderful long run on my favorite trail with absolutely gorgeous weather and beautiful views; dinner with a friend (& some help from him for my move); a lovely walk to the beach after dinner, just to enjoy one of my last evenings here — at least for a while.
I went to bed feeling happy, free but surrounded by friendship & love, eager to take my next step.
This morning the weather would be perfect for a run again, but I cannot go because the movers are coming to take my stuff to the storage unit. So I’m a little fidgety from the lack of exercise.
I’m looking forward to getting all these boxes out of my place, to “declutter”, and then to hit the road on Sunday — I’ve already booked a place to stay the first night of my travels!
But I’m also very scared of the loneliness I might incur.
When I get to Colorado next week, my host family will still be away, one of my friends from last summer will have just moved to New York for his new job, and the nextdoor-neighbors who are close friends of my host family will be away on a trip.
So apart from a couple friends in a neighboring town, I’ll be completely alone the day I arrive in Colorado and for the first whole week there.
Although one of my main reasons for taking this step and moving to Colorado now is to have a break from things here, to think and reflect and write my book more freely, in solitude, I’m nevertheless afraid of the loneliness I might feel.
I’m also afraid of losing the friendships I’ve made here, especially the more recent ones (mainly my climbing buddies). These friendships are super fun and have been a wonderful change for me compared to the first three or four years here. But they’re also recent friendships, still fresh and maybe not deep enough to survive the geographical distance… What if I decide to come back and settle in California again next summer or autumn and these climbing buddies have forgotten me?
The Little Prince and the Fox 