“The long goodbye”

There’s a song by Bruce Springsteen called “The long goodbye”. This is one of the few songs whose lyrics I don’t know — I cannot even remember the topic of it. But I can hear the music in my head and the title resonates with my feelings in this moment. 

This is maybe the hardest part of my move: when I’m neither really here anymore nor there yet. 

When my place is starting to get cluttered with packed (and some half-packed) boxes but there’s also still stuff I’m using daily and will have to pack last-minute, which makes me feel like I have a scattered brain. 

And then, there’s the “Goodbye’s” with friends… I had three of them yesterday, two of which with very good, close friends. 

One visited me for lunch and we pic-nicked outdoors with her two daughters (to be COVID-safe) while they also tried on various clothes and items that I was giving away: the two little girls took several of my things, and I’m very happy to know they’ll be wearing and enjoying them. I’ll probably see them again next summer — in the meantime, this spring, I’ll miss the older daughter’s birthday… Later my friend texted me, “[…] my heart hurts […]” and I don’t know if she meant because of my moving away or other reasons… 

My other good friend visited me for dinner last night — my artist friend who lately coined the term “sproutiness” for my mood, which I like so much. And it was such a lovely evening with them, talking for nearly four hours non-stop! 

Between this evening and next Thursday or Friday, I’ll be seeing several other good friends, and then I’ll finally head out. 

I’m also starting to realize that these are going to be my last walks at the beach, my last runs on these trails, my last sprees at the Sunday Farmers Market around the corner, at least for six months… 

I think that I’m finally starting to truly realize how much I’ve built and got here by seeing how much I’m going to leave behind. 

The good news is that I can come back to this place, if I want to — people and relationships might have changed by then (and I guess that’s what scares me the most now), but I can come back, if I want to. 

But that’s six months from now. 

For the moment, focus on the here&now: the practical aspects of my move; the trip itself; the new adventure; the very-much-needed break; and the “long goodbye’s”.