Tuesdays are, for the moment, my double-workout days: last Tuesday I went for a 30-min run and then rope-climbed at the gym for a couple hours with my new buddies from the Lead climbing course; yesterday, I swam a couple km and then did some rope-climbing with the same buddies again. And today, just like last Wednesday, I woke up feeling happy and strong and full of energy!
Today, I’m particularly happy because yesterday evening at the gym I passed my Lead climbing test at the first trial, so now I’m fully ready to lead climb (when the protection is already placed for me) — yay! It’s a further step in my growth and “coming into myself” as a climber, as well as an athlete and person in general. Passing the Lead climbing test last night was also a further affirmation of my androgynous identity, partly because it confirmed my physical strength, but partly because of the interactions with my lead climbing buddies as well. All three of them are just so nice. We have bonded nicely as a small group, and my not being a man isn’t affecting the group dynamics or their behavior toward me in any way: they act just as buddies towards me as among each other — which I love!
I also love how we have a weekly “group climbing date” on Tuesday evenings: I like the fact that we’re all committed to this and accountable.
Two of them had already passed the Lead climbing test last week and they were super helpful, encouraging and patient with my pre-test anxious-performance mode yesterday: they top-roped with me so that I could warm up; they practiced and reviewed with me, and gave me tips for the test without being patronizing. And they were there, supporting me during my test, and then sharing my overflowing enthusiasm and joy when I passed it. The feeling I have with them is that they accept and like me as I am, with all my quirks — and that feels pretty good, especially with persons who are still relatively strangers — or maybe that’s why they can still put up with me?!
One funny (and to me endearing) example has to do with “announced falls” that are part of the Lead climbing course & test. When we took the course a couple weeks ago, I just couldn’t help myself and screamed every time I took an announced fall: I wasn’t scared but the adrenaline rush I got from it every time was just so powerful — fun and thrilling — that I couldn’t avoid screaming (unless I really focused and thought to myself, “be quiet now!”). During the course, I told my climbing partners and instructor not to worry, that I was totally fine, that it was just an instinctive reaction and that I was enjoying myself, and I apologized a priori; and they were totally fine with it. But when I took the Lead climbing test last night, I was concerned that they might fail me if I screamed on the announced fall, so when it was time to perform this, I really really focused and fell without emitting a sound. At the end of the test, back on the ground with my buddies, one of them said to me with a smile, “I missed your fun scream on that announced fall!”; so I told him about my concern, that I thought I needed to control that instinct in order to pass the test, and he replied, “Oh no, I’m sure they would just have taken it as an extra bit of style and personality!” I just loved the genuine, fun, kind sincerity of his comments; the feeling I got was that he accepts me and finds me fun just as I am, and that’s a wonderful feeling.
So, once again, I’m grateful for these nice persons I’m finding and bonding with along my path — while also a little scared, as always, that these nice feelings/situations might end…
The Little Prince and the Fox 