I walk alone

This morning, I woke up with the refrain (both the lyrics and the tune) “I walk alone” from Green Day’s song “Boulevard of broken dreams” ringing in my head. 

I’ve noticed this happening quite often: I wake up with a particular song or refrain playing in my head, even when maybe I haven’t heard that song in years. Then as I let my emotions come out over breakfast, usually the reason for that “musical connection” becomes very clear: the lyrics and music are pointing to how I actually feel deep down inside. 

Yes, this morning (and very often in general) I feel that “I walk alone”. And this morning particularly (and recently), I also feel in a “Green Day mood”, as that rebel, boyish self that is a huge part of me yearns to come out. 

I feel (and write) all this with no sadness, no regrets, no anger. It’s actually a peaceful state I feel: acknowledgement, awareness, consciousness, acceptance and affirmation of my life choices that have brought me to “walk alone”. “I walk alone” but I am not alone, i.e. I don’t feel lonely today, and that’s a huge difference for me. My “walking alone” does not contradict the fact that I feel “accompanied along my path”, sometimes more, sometimes less, sometimes only for a brief wink of the eye, sometimes for years. I know I have made many lovely connections throughout the years, and for all of them I am grateful. 

Of course, I feel very lonely sometimes. But not today. Today “I walk alone” on this path I have chosen, serenely and joyfully.

And maybe this “aloneness” is something that actually brings many of us together, as profound “aloneness” is possibly part of the human condition — as the poet Salvatore Quasimodo beautifully put it: 

“Ognuno sta solo sul cuor della terra 

Trafitto da un raggio di sole: 

Ed e’ subito sera.”