“Say what you mean, mean what you say”

This is one of my favorite “tea-tag” quotes and I always try to live accordingly, but I’m realizing that it’s not always as easy as I though it would be…

Recently, I’ve often been saying that I’m “discovering my identity” and “finding my voice”, using the two phrases almost interchangeably. But it just hit me tonight, how these are actually two very different things, at least in my own experience. I’ve truly always known “my identity”, it’s always been instinctively clear to me who I am, what I love, what my dreams are; and that instinctive knowledge has often led me even in the darkest moments of confusion or fear, even when I didn’t know why I was doing something or where it would take me next. But only recently have I started to “voice my identity” or to “find my voice”. Only recently have I come to realize that knowing, or at least sensing, who we are or what we want can still be a far cry from being able to accept ourselves & our dreams as they are; and often an even farther cry from being able to say out loud, “this is who I am, this is what I want/need/dream of”, because too often we fear that we won’t be heard or accepted or respected by those around us. 

Many times, and by many people, I’ve been told that I am “brave”, even “nuts” or “wild” or “fearless”: and in general I think that’s true, I identify with that description of myself. But recently I have often been feeling that “finding my voice” or “voicing my identity” is requiring far more courage from me than any of the many wild, reckless things I usually do!